Anger is not a behavior,  Anger is an emotion.

THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE!

It can change… BREAK THE CYCLE NOW!

Anger is a complex emotion that all human beings experience.

Anger is often equated with violence, aggression and cruelty.

Anger is not a behavior, anger is an emotion. When your anger impacts your life and relationships in an unhealthy manner, we are here to help. Individual and group sessions are offered to assist in developing skills and tools needed to express anger in a healthy manner.

Are you using anger to mask other feelings?

• Shame
• Hurt
• Embarrassment
• Loneliness
• Jealousy
• Sadness
• Disappointment
• Anxiety
• Fear
• Helplessness
• Worry
• Frustration

If You’ve Got Anger… We’ve Got Answers!

The post 4-Hour Anger Management appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

LIFESTYLE

Learn how to be happy with what you have, while you pursue all that you want.

Happiness is not an accident; nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design.

There are three things to leave behind: your photographs, your library, and your personal journals. These things are certainly going to be more valuable to future generations than your furniture!

Always Believe In Yourself and In Your Dreams         by  Ashley  Rice

• As you go on in this world, keep looking forward to the future… to all you might be.
• Don’t let old mistakes or misfortunes hold you down; learn from them, forgive yourself – or others – and move on.
• Do not be bothered or discouraged by adversity; instead, meet it as a challenge.
• Be empowered by the courage it takes you to overcome obstacles. Learn things.
• Learn something new every day.
• Be interested in others and what they might teach you.
• But do not look for yourself in the faces of others. Do not look for who you are in other people’s approval.
• As far as who you are and who you will become goes — the answer is always within yourself.
• Believe in yourself. Follow your heart and your dreams.
• You — like everyone else — will make mistakes.
• As long as you are true to the strength within your own heart…you can never go wrong.

Need More Information?

“When LIFE is turned upside down”!

Please do not hesitate to contact us for more details.

Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.

Don’t join an easy crowd.

You won’t grow.

The post Words to Motivate & Inspire appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

1. Teach children the correct names of all their different body parts,
including their private body parts. Children often find it hard to tell
about sexual abuse because they don’t know the words to use. Learning
correct (anatomical) words for private body parts gives children the
words to use and helps them know that it is okay to talk about those
body parts.

When teaching your young child the different body parts, consider
using the correct words for private body parts along with words such as
“tummy” and “ears.” You can give older children more information
because they are able to understand more. You can also explain that the
parts of their bodies covered by a swimsuit are their private body parts.

2. Teach children that “they are the boss of their body.”
Let your children know that they are in control of who touches their
bodies and how. Model this for children: “I don’t want you to jump up
and down on me. Please stop.” Likewise, immediately respect their
wishes not to be touched in certain ways. “Looks like you don’t want me
to pick you up right now. Okay.” As you supervise your children’s
interactions, make it clear that they need to stop tickling or
roughhousing if a sibling says “Stop!”

In addition, do not insist that your children give or receive hugs or
kisses from relatives and friends if they do not wish to. This teaches
children that it’s okay to say no to touches from people in their family
and others they know. Some relatives might expect a hug from your
children every time they see them. Tell relatives that you are teaching
your children to be bosses of their bodies as part of teaching them safety
about touching, so they are not offended by your children’s behavior.

3. Explain to your child that there are three kinds of touches.
The three kinds of touches are:

•  Safe touches. These are touches that keep children safe and are good for

them, and that make children feel cared for and important. Safe touches
can include hugging, pats on the back, and an arm around the shoulder.
Safe touches can also include touches that might hurt, such as removing
a splinter. Explain to children that when you remove a splinter, you are
doing so to keep them healthy, which makes it a safe touch.

•  Unsafe touches. These are touches that hurt children’s bodies or feelings

(for example, hitting, pushing, pinching, and kicking). Teach children
that these kinds of touches are not okay.

• Unwanted touches. These are touches that might be safe but that a child

doesn’t want from that person or at that moment. It is okay for a child
to say “no” to an unwanted touch, even if it is from a familiar person.
Help your children practice saying “no” in a strong, yet polite voice.
This will help children learn to set personal boundaries.

Touching Safety Rules

Once children can name their private body parts and know about
different kinds of touches, you can teach them that there is another kind
of unsafe touch that is also not okay. This kind of touch is when
someone older or bigger touches their private body parts. How you
explain this will depend on the age of your child.

For a young child you might say, “Another kind of unsafe touch is when
a bigger person touches you on your private body parts and it is not to
keep you clean or healthy. So we have a family safety rule that it is
never okay for a bigger person to touch your private body parts except
to keep you clean and healthy.”

Parents should understand that the “clean” part of this rule applies to
young children at an age when an adult might help them with diaper
changing, going to the toilet, or bathing. The “healthy” part of this rule
refers to doctor visits; for example, when the doctor gives a child a shot.
An adult family member should always be present at doctor
appointments. At some point during the teenage years it will become
appropriate for your children to handle their own doctor appointments.

For an older child you might say, “Another kind of unsafe touch is when
someone touches you in a “wrong way” on your private body parts and it is
not to keep you healthy. So a good family safety rule about touching is that
no one should touch your private body parts except to keep you healthy.”

Teach your children the following safety rules:

• It is not okay to touch someone else’s private body parts.
• It is not okay for someone to touch his or her own private body parts in front of you.
• It is not okay for someone to ask you to touch his or her private body parts.
• It is not okay for someone to ask you to take your clothes off except if they are a doctor helping to see if you are hurt or sick
• It is not okay for someone to take photos or videos of you with your clothes off.
• It is not okay for someone to show you photos or videos of people without their clothes on.
• You can decide who can touch you, who can kiss you, or who can give you a hug. You have the right to say, “no.”
• What do you do when someone touches you in the wrong way?
• Say no! Tell the person that you don’t like it and you don’t want to be touched.
• Get away fast! Run away from the person whose touch you don’t like.
• Never stay alone with that person ever again.
• Call for help. You can scream.
• Believe in yourself. You did nothing wrong.
• If someone touches you in the wrong way, tell someone you trust what has happened.
• Don’t let threats scare you into running away or keeping quiet.
• When a person touches you and asks you to keep it a secret between the two of you, ask yourself, “Does the secret bother me?”
• Don’t keep secrets that make you feel uncomfortable. Go to a person you trust-a parent, a relative, a teacher, or your doctor. If the person you go to doesn’t believe you, go to someone else you trust until someone believes you and helps you.
• Do everything you can to stay away from the person who is touching you in the wrong way or making you feel uncomfortable. Don’t stay alone with a person who touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable or makes you feel unsafe.

Good Touch

It feels good to be hugged and kissed by the people you love. For example:

• When Mommy gives you a hug and kiss after you wake up.
• When Daddy gives you a good-night hug and kiss.
• When Grandma and Grandpa come to visit and everyone gets hugs and kisses.

Bad Touches

Touches that make you feel uncomfortable are usually bad touches. You don’t have to keep a secret when someone gives you bad touch. Don’t feel that you are bad. Whoever gives you a bad touch is the one who is bad, not you. Your body belongs to you. Nobody should touch you if you don’t want to be touched. Do you know what a bad touch is?

• It is a bad touch if it hurts you.
• It is a bad touch if someone touches you on your body where you don’t want to be touched.
• It is a bad touch if the person touches you under your clothing or tickles you under the clothing.
• It is a bad touch if a person touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.
• It is a bad touch if that touch makes you feel scared and nervous.
• It is a bad touch if a person forces you to touch him or her.
• It is a bad touch if a person asks you not to tell anyone.
• It is a bad touch if a person threatens to hurt you if you tell.

The post Good Touches and Bad Touches appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

Did you know that you can learn to control your anger, just the way you learn other important things like reading, or math or how to hit a baseball?

When you reduce your feelings of anger, you will find that it is much easier to enjoy your friends and your family.  After all, it’s fun being a kid!

Did you know your body tells when
you are angry?

For You to Know

It is helpful to understand body language, because it is part of the way we express our emotions. Sometimes our facial expressions and our bodies say one thing, and our words say a completely different thing. When you can read body language, you will be better able to understand what people are feeling and you can respond in the best way.

When you feel a strong emotion, your body expresses your feelings. If you are angry, your muscles may get tense, your heart may beat faster, you may breathe faster and harder, and your face may feel warm. Sometimes anger may even cause you pain. You might get a headache or a stomachache if you are angry for a long time. Other people can see that you are angry, too, just by looking at your body.

• They can see you are angry by your posture (the way you stand).
• They can see you are angry by the way you hold your hands. When people are angry, they sometimes make fists or hide their hands in their pockets or behind their backs.

Did you know there are positive ways
to express your anger?

For You to Know

Everyone gets angry, but some people don’t have good ways to express their anger. When you learn positive ways to express your anger, you won’t get into trouble for misbehavior.

Sometimes you may feel like slamming doors, screaming, or kicking a wall. Doing these things won’t help you feel less angry and they will probably get you into trouble. Lots of people—kids and adults—have to learn how to manage their anger.

The following will help you think about positive things you can do when you are angry.

Here are some ideas:

• Talk about it

• Draw a picture that expresses your feelings

• Do something like playing a sport or a game, that will take your mind off what is making you angry

• Listen to music

• Find something to laugh about

• Walk around until you calm down

• Take five deep breaths

• Sit down and relax your muscles

• Think of what is bothering you as a problem you can solve

You will probably find that some things help you with your anger better than others.

The post “Y.E.S.” Youth Empowerment Services appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

Did you know:
• 80% of teen fathers do not marry the mother of their child.

• 50% of all teen mothers never graduate high school.

• 2% of teen mothers earn a college degree (usually by the age of 30).

• 66% of teens who have had sex wish they waited.

Understanding Teen Dating Abuse

Unhealthy relationships can start early and last a lifetime. Dating abuse occurs when harmful behaviors are repeated, creating a pattern of violence.

There are three common types of dating abuse:
• Physical abuse occurs when a teen is pinched, hit, shoved, or kicked.
• Emotional abuse means threatening a teen or harming his or her sense of self-worth. Examples include    name calling, teasing, threats, bullying or keeping a teen away from friends and family.
• Sexual abuse is forcing a teen to engage in a sex act.   This includes fondling and rape.
Dating abuse often starts with teasing and name calling.

These behaviors are often thought to be a “normal” part of a relationship. But these behaviors can lead to more serious abuse like physical assault and rape.

Why is dating abuse a public health problem?

Dating abuse is a serious problem in the United States. Many teens do not report abuse because they are afraid to tell friends and family.
• 72% of 8th and 9th graders reportedly “date”
• 1 in 4 adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year
• 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt by someone they were dating

                                                                                                                                              How does dating abuse affect health?

Dating abuse has a negative effect on health throughout life. Teens who are abused are more likely to do poorly in school. They often engage in unhealthy behaviors like drug and alcohol use. The anger and stress that victims feel may lead to eating disorders and depression. Some abused teens even think about or attempt suicide. Abused teens often carry the patterns of violence into future relationships. Physically abused teens are three times more likely than their non-abused peers to experience violence during college. In adulthood, they are more likely to be involved in intimate partner violence.

Facts courtesy of Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.       www.cdc.gov/injury            www.cdcinfo@cdc.gov

The post Teen Dating appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

Relationship Quiz Instructions:

Enter the number of points next to each question depending on the severity of each item:

Never: 0 points

Rarely: 1 point

Sometimes: 2 points

Frequently: 3 points

• My partner teases me in a hurtful way in private or in public
• My partner calls me names such as “stupid” or “bitch”
• My partner acts jealous of my friends, family, or co-workers
• My partner gets angry about clothes I wear or how I style my hair
• My partner checks up on me by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to
• My partner insists on knowing who I talk to on the phone
• My partner blames me for their problems or bad mood
• My partner gets angry easily, leaving me walking on eggshells
• My partner throws or destroys things when angry
• My partner hits walls, drives dangerously or does other things to scare me
• My partner drinks or uses drugs
• My partner insists that I drink or use drugs whenever they do
• My partner accuses me of being interested in someone else
• My partner reads my mail, goes thru my personal space/items (ie. purse)
• My partner keeps me from getting a job or cost me my job
• My partner keeps money from me, keeps me in debt, or has “money secrets”
• My partner sold my car, made me give up my license, or won’t repair my car
• My partner has threatened to hurt me
• My partner has threatened to hurt my children
• My partner has actually hurt my children
• My partner has threatened to hurt my pets
• My partner has actually hurt my pets
• My partner has threatened to hurt my friends or family
• My partner has hurt a friend or family member
• My partner has threatened to commit suicide if I leave
• My partner has struck me with hands or feet – slapped, punched, kicked
• My partner has struck me with an object or threatened me with a weapon
• My partner has given me visible injuries – bruises, welts, cuts
• I have had to administer first aid to myself due to injuries from my partner
• My injuries have been serious enough to seek treatment – doctor, hospital, clinic, paramedic
• My partner forces me to have sex when I don’t want to
• My partner forces me to have sex in ways that I don’t want to
• My partner has been in trouble with the police
• My partner acts one way in front of others, and another way when we are alone
• My partner is secretive or lies about past relationships
• I feel isolated and alone and have no one I can really talk to
• I have lost friends because of my partner or their actions
• I no longer see some of my family because of my partner
• I have thought about calling the police because of an incident of violence
• I have actually called the police on one or more occasions
• I am afraid to call the police because of threats from my partner

0-17: Generally Non-abusive
These are likely to be the sorts of strains that are not unusual in relationships. Do NOT, however, make the mistake of brushing off any incident of violence or threat of violence, no matter how isolated!

18-58: Moderately Abusive
This is a home experiencing some violence at least once in a while. It may be that this is a relationship where violence is just beginning. In a new relationship there is good reason to expect it will eventually escalate into more serious forms and may occur more frequently.

59-95: Seriously Abusive
Scores in this range indicate a seriously abusive relationship that can, under outside pressure, or with the sudden strain of a family emergency, move into the dangerously severe range. Serious injury is quite probable if it has not already occurred. Please consider finding counseling, getting help, even leaving.

96 and up: Dangerously Abusive
If you scored in the top range, you need to consider seriously the option of leaving, at least temporarily, while you consider your next move. The violence will not take care of itself or miraculously disappear. Over time the chances are very good that your life and/or the lives of your children will be in danger.

The post Domestic Violence appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

Anger is not a behavior,  Anger is an emotion.

THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR VIOLENCE!

It can change… BREAK THE CYCLE NOW!

Anger is a complex emotion that all human beings experience.

Anger is often equated with violence, aggression and cruelty.

Anger is not a behavior, anger is an emotion. When your anger impacts your life and relationships in an unhealthy manner, we are here to help. Individual and group sessions are offered to assist in developing skills and tools needed to express anger in a healthy manner.

Are you using anger to mask other feelings?

• Shame
• Hurt
• Embarrassment
• Loneliness
• Jealousy
• Sadness
• Disappointment
• Anxiety
• Fear
• Helplessness
• Worry
• Frustration

If You’ve Got Anger… We’ve Got Answers!

The post Anger Management appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

Characteristics of Batterers:

Have low self esteem

Even though a lot of batterers might appear to be “tough,” “strong,” and “confident,” more often than not they really suffer from low self-esteem. They may feel that they fall short in the area of their own sex stereotype and so they overcompensate with hyper-masculinity. If they are emotionally “needy,” and they have become dependent on their partner, the thought of losing that partner feels threatening and thus behaviors of controlling and jealousy follow.

Rush into relationships

Many victims dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. Abusers can come on like a whirl-wind claiming “love at first sight,” and using flattery such as “you’re the only person I could ever talk to,” “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” They may need someone desperately, and will pressure the other partner to commit to a relationship before they are truly ready.

Are excessively jealous

An abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love; it’s a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. In a healthy relationship the partners trust each other, unless one of them has legitimately done something to break that trust.

Exhibit controlling behavior

Often at the beginning, a batterer will say that this behavior is because they are concerned for your safety, a need for you to use time well or to make good decisions. Abusers will be angry if you are “late” coming back from the store or an appointment. You will be questioned closely about where you went, who you talked with. As this behavior gets worse, the abuser may not let you make personal decisions about the house, your clothing, or going to church. They may keep all the money; or may make you ask permission to leave the house or room.

Have unrealistic expectations or demands

Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs: the perfect partner, lover, and friend. They say things like “if you love me, I’m all you need and you’re all I need.” They may expect you to take care of everything for them; emotionally, physically, and sometimes economically. However, this is not natural or healthy in a relationship. Instead, partners in healthy relationships encourage each other to pursue their dreams, to have friends and interests outside of the relationship and take pride in their partner in these things.

Use isolation to keep you centered on them

The abusive person tries to cut the partner off from all resources. If you have same-sex friends, you are a “whore,” a “slut” or “cheating.” If you are close to family, you’re “tied to the apron strings.” The abuser will accuse people who are supportive of causing trouble and may restrict use of the phone. They will gradually isolate you from all of your friends. They may not let you use a car (or have one that is reliable) and may try to keep you from working or going to school. Some abusers will try to get you into legal trouble so that you are afraid to drive or go out.

Believe in male supremacy and the stereotyped masculine role in the family

Batterers are often obsessive about appearing to be the “the man of the house” and they tend to hold very high and rigid rules about how they get to act because they are “the man” – often leading them to feel the need to dominate and control and to expect their word and their needs to be catered to at all times, including in the bedroom. The abuser sees you as unintelligent, inferior, responsible for menial tasks, and less than whole without the relationship. They will often tell you that no one else would want you or that you are nothing without them. They will remind you of their “provider role” – everything they have done for you.

Use of force during sex

This kind of person may like to act out fantasies where the partner is helpless. They let you know that the idea of rape is exciting. They may show little concern about whether you want to have sex and use sulking or anger to manipulate you. They may start having sex with you while you are sleeping or demand sex when you are ill or tired. They may want to “make up” by having sex after they have just been physically or verbally abusive to you.

Have poor communication skills

Some people talk with their words, while others talk with their fists (actions). Batterers typically have trouble with discussing “feelings,” especially very strong ones like anger or frustration. Some may feel that “having feelings” and talking out problems goes against the stereotyped male role that they have bought into (see above). Without the skills or self-permission to express themselves in constructive ways (and that feels uncomfortable/ they feel inadequate), they often lash out with violence.

Use drinking and battering to cope with stress

Batterers in general have a higher incidence of drug and alcohol abuse than non-batterers. This doesn’t mean that drugs or alcohol CAUSE the abuse, rather it lowers inhibitions making an already frustrated and violence-prone person more likely to fall back on violence as a crutch, especially when confronted with their lack of communication skills and any feelings of inadequacy.

Blame others for their actions

Commonly, batterers use the actions of others as excuses for their own behavior. They blame the person who made them angry, as if that person were pushing some magic button that released violent behavior. How often have victims heard, “Why did you make me do that?” If your partner is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing them wrong or is out to get them. They may make mistakes and then blame you for upsetting them so that they can’t concentrate on their work. They may tell you that YOU are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. Abusive people might say, “You made me mad” and “I can’t help being angry.” Although they actually make the decision about how they think or feel, they will use feelings to manipulate you. Abusers see themselves as the “victim” in the relationship and do not take responsibility for their own feelings or behavior.

Are prone to hypersensitivity

Abusers are easily insulted and may take the slightest setback as a personal attack. They will rant and rave about the injustice of things that are really just a part of living, such as having to get up for work, getting a traffic ticket or being asked to help with chores.

Present dual personalities

Often the most frustrating thing for the victim, many batterers are excellent actors. They may appear to function well at work, with friends and family, etc. Sometimes only the battered spouse is aware of the true “nature of the beast.” This often makes it difficult for a victim to reach out for support from friends and family, because those persons may try to talk the victim out of thinking that their spouse is a batterer. Often a victim’s friends and family will go on and on about “what a great guy you’ve got there” – because the batterer has successfully hidden their violence at home. It’s even MORE frustrating for the victim when members of their support system try to turn the tables and say things like “well, just don’t make him mad.” They’re putting the blame on the VICTIM and not on the offender where it belongs! When this happens, the violent partner gets backup from the very people the victim NEEDS for support and they too fall into the trap of myths about the nature and causes of family violence!

Exhibit cruelty to animals or children

This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. They may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability. They may tease children and younger brothers and sisters until they cry. They may be very critical of other people’s children or any children you bring into the relationship. Your partner may threaten to prevent you from seeing children you have no biological rights to, or punish children to get even with you. About 60% of people who beat their partner also beat their children. Of course the OPPOSITE of this can be true also. Abused women often say that they stay “for the sake of the kids, because he’s a great father to them.” Unfortunately, one parent abusing another is one of the greatest risk factors for child abuse, as well as for children to sink into depression, anxiety disorders and other mental and physical illnesses. Abuse also models the role of violence to the children as THEY grow up and into relationships of their own.

The post Batterers Intervention Program appeared first on Knowledge is Power + Charitable Foundation.

The following questionnaire is divided into two parts with fifteen statements each. Part I is designed to help you identify your beliefs about being a parent. Part II focuses on your current home situation. As you read each statement, decide how much you agree with it. Then, on a separate sheet of paper, write the number from 1 to 5 that corresponds to your level of agreement:

1. Strongly Disagree
2. Disagree
3. Neutral
4. Agree
5. Strongly Agree

Part I: Beliefs

1. It is better to give a little ground and protect the peace than to stand firm and provoke a fight.
2. Children need discipline that hurts a little so that they will remember the lesson later.
3. Children shouldn’t always get their way, but usually we ought to learn to listen to what they have to say.
4. The parent-child relationship is like a war in which if the parent wins, both sides win, but if the parent loses, both sides lose.
5. If parents provide a good environment, children will pretty well raise themselves.
6. The parent’s role is like that of a teacher who is preparing the child for a final exam called life.
7. Childhood is so short that parents should do everything to make it a happy time.
8. Spare the rod and spoil the child is still the best policy.
9. Children need to learn what they may or may not do, but we don’t have to use punishment to teach.
10. Whether we like it or not, children have the last word about what they will or won’t do.
11. If you let children have a pretty free reign, they will eventually learn from the consequences of their behavior what is appropriate.
12. Children first have to learn that the parent is boss.
13. Too many children today talk back to their parents when they should just quietly obey them.
14. If we want children to respect us, we must first treat them with respect.
15. You can never do too much for your child, if it comes from genuine love.

Part II: Actions

My child usually gets up and ready without my help in the morning.

I often have to call my child more than once to get him or her out of bed in the morning.

I have to constantly stay on top of my child to get things done.

When my child misbehaves, he or she usually knows what the consequences will be.

I often get angry and yell at my child.

I often feel that my child is taking advantage of my good nature.

We have discussed chores at our home and everybody takes part.

My child gets a spanking on the average of at least once a month.

My child has no regular chores around the home, but will occasionally pitch in when asked.

I usually give my child clear instructions as to how I want something done.

My child is a finiky eater, so I have to try various combinations to make sure he or she gets the proper nutrition.

I don’t call my child names, and I don’t expect to be called names by my child.

I usually give my child choices between two appropriate alternatives rather than telling my child what to do.

I have to threaten my child with punishment at least once a week.

I wish my child wouldn’t interrupt my conversations so often.

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